A Space for Students with LGBT Parents

Welcome!

This space was created in 2008 by UCR student Camilo Ortiz. The son of two mothers, Camilo hopes to create a space for "Queerspawn" with web resources, a FaceBook group, and (we hope) the stories of other college students with LGBT parents.

Would you like to share your own experiences as a Queerspawn?
Click here to submit your story for inclusion on this web site.

"The Bridge That Is My Self: A Man Growing Up in a Two-Mother Family" by Camilo Manuel Ortiz (*pdf)

"Construction Project: Color Me Queer Color Me Family
= Cam i l o" by Victoria Ortiz and Jennifer Elrod (*pdf)

A brief interview with Camilo

Question: What does the word "Queerspawn" mean to you?

Answer: Queerspawn, to me, means the joining of two spaces that are me: one that is tied my queer family and the other that is tied to my individual self. It is a term that illustrates the complexities and distinctiveness that sons and daughters of LGBIT parents experience as people who touch and span multiple worlds. It signifies a life journey of navigating through the external forces that demand who, how, and what we should be, and the internal forces that affirm what is. It is a word that points to a space of resistance, reinvention, and progression. Queerspawn is a movement.

Question: When did you first realize most other kids do not have two moms?

Answer: Honestly, I don’t really remember. I knew very early on that there were different types of parenting – single mothers, single dads, grandmothers, etc – and was exposed to this very early on, so my two-mother-team was not a big point of difference for me, and therefore, I didn’t really care about the other types of parent make-ups that were around me. But there certainly were times when my two mothers became a point of contention for many kids, especially when trying to figure out ‘how babies are made’ with parents of the same sex. This certainly made me think a lot more about my parents and my relationship to them.

Question: How did your moms prepare you to talk about your family at school?

Answer: It began with showing me the many ways families were constructed. As mentioned earlier, I was exposed to a variety of different family styles. For example, my mothers would always include our friends as family members, extending my understanding of the relationships that existed and the importance feelings played in the sustaining of such relationships. With vocabulary not being my strong suit at such a young age, I was able to translate and understand the meaning of family based on something one felt, and for my mothers and I, it was usually a feeling that made us laugh, cry, and enjoy; it was a feeling of love. So going into school and talking about my family, it wasn’t so much about how many parents I had or what sexual orientation my parents were, but what I felt when we were together.
Who are Queerspawn?

[Source: www.queerspawn.com]

Queerspawn: A term coined by Stefan Lynch to provide a concise and inclusive way to refer to children of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender parent(s)

In our own words...

"Queerspawn is me.

"Queerspawn isn't my mom's lesbian identity, or my dad's gay identity. Queerspawn does not open up the box of other possible ways they could identify: it is raw enough to lift an eyebrow when heard by virgin ears, and true enough to elicit a smile from the same person a moment later.

"Queerspawn is me. I am not alone. Queerspawn is us, and now my daughter." -- Hope (Berry) Manley
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"Queerspawn is an acknowledgement of everything that is unique about me, as a child of the queer community. Queerspawn says I don't have to be normal if I don't want to be. Queerspawn makes people wonder and raise their eyebrows. Queerspawn means my moms' are dykes, but for other queerspawn it means something different. Queerspawn is a big word with a lot of room in it for everyone in my family and everyone I love." -- Jesse Carr
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"Being Queerspawn means being part of a vibrant, dynamic community of diverse youth and adults who share the unique experience of having one or more LGBT parent. I feel like I am consitently learning from, being challenged by, and finding support from the queerspawn community. To me it doesnt matter that our experiences can be quite different and our narratives quite diverse- we do have this common bond. there is something that happens in queerspawn space and communities that is truly special, powerful and transformative." -- Meredith Fenton
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"I think being a queerspawn (a word that makes me think of squid) means being part of a largely invisible culture by birth (i.e. like Jews without any established history or culture ... yet) — invisible, in many ways, to both straights and queers. And it's a culture and identity that still hasn't figured out what it means to itself. Our history is short. Queer culture has only recently become public. Up until Stonewall, gays, too, were invisible. We queerspawn of those Stonewall (and beyond) queers are in the very protean stages of figuring out if and how to deal with our many sexual and cultural identities and the fact that we can manipulate them, change in and out of them like clothes. I'd say it doesn't help that the gay community's struggle for equal rights has forced many of us queerspawn to show a black face of normalcy and contentedness for the struggle. It's implied that we're to demonstrate our assimilation so that we AND our parents can be seen as such. But I've come to see this "normal" face that I presented to the world for many years as a kind of self-hatred lite -- a caricature and deprecation of ourselves that should be shed post haste. There's also the issue of "pride" ("I'm proud of my gay parents"), which also often feels contrived and should be implied at this point. Even at 33, I still feel deeply conflicted and think often about what it means to have gay parents. But I do prize it. It's my fucking culture too, even if I don't always feel like I belong exactly." -- Noel Black
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"as a part of this hidden minority i grew up with a burden thats silence did not ease its weight. my personality at home with my dad differed from my character around my mother and even more so from my public self. with age, however, came understanding and eventually true appreciation. having a gay father, what i had seen as embarrassing and compromising of my ideal vision of family transformed into a precious asset.

"queerspawn defines a community that values having nontraditional parents. to identify as a member of this community i cannot hold a passive perspective. others may disagree, but i find that being a member of a community means playing an active role. there aren't communities for people with blue eyes, right? it's not just about biological fact - it's a living, breathing piece of my character. because accessibility to queer resources is severely limited due to disease, stigma, and a scattered population i have a responsibility as the gay son of a gay man to share my experiences, observations, and stories.

"i own my homosexuality. i am thankful for my father's homosexuality. most importantly i treasure our queer family and i never take for granted the opportunities and human lessons afforded to me because of it." --Brendan Ranson Walsh